It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: A Guide to Suicidal Thoughts

Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is at risk of self-harm or in need of support, call 988 in the United States to speak with a crisis counselor (or text 988). In the UK, you can call 111. These resources are free, confidential and accessible 24/7.

The thoughts of suicide are more ubiquitous than you would think. They might take the form of a momentary senseless thought, or congeal into an elaborate plan, and be terrifying and isolating to experience. But it is important to remember that having thoughts like those stated above does not mean you are weak or flawed. It means you are in pain and, in Dr. Runion-Hawk’s words, you need a little bit of love.

This guide is meant to offer clarity and hope. We will talk about what suicidal thoughts are, how to detect warning signs in yourself or others and what concrete actions you can take to seek help and begin your journey of recovery. You are not the only one, and there is help.

Understanding Suicidal Thoughts

Suicidal ideation or suicidal thoughts can be very troubling. They typically serve as a mental red flag that something deeper may be wrong. Although everyone’s experience is different, there are a couple things that could be influencing these thoughts.

Common Causes and Risk Factors

Understanding the causes is a key to battling suicidal thoughts. They are seldom due to one cause, but a number of factors combined.

• Mental Illness: An overwhelming majority of individuals who attempt suicide have a mental illness. Feelings of hopelessness are often a symptom of depression, bipolar disorder and anxiety disorders, which can help to drive suicidal thoughts. So do conditions like schizophrenia or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Major Life Stress or Trauma: Suffering a traumatic experience – for example abuse, the unexpected loss of a close family member, huge financial loss or break-up from a relationship -can be something you feel unable to cope with. Such experiences can be emotionally exhausting and devastating.
• Substance use: Both alcohol and drug use can heighten impulsive behaviour and exacerbate symptoms of depression as well as other mental disorders. It is incredibly common for suicide and substance use to go hand in hand; many may turn to these substances as a way of numbing the emotional pain they’re feeling, but can ultimately find themselves in even more trouble because of it.
• Chronic illness or pain: Dealing with a long-term medical issue, whether that be health-related or chronic pain can take its toll on you physically and emotionally, making it difficult to not experience feelings of being the problem or simply praying for physical relief.
• S‌ocial Isolation: When individuals feel like they have no support, that they’re all alone in the world, or are just plain lonely it can dramatically increase their sense of hopelessness and make it difficult to reach out for assistance.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

Sometimes, a person in crisis is not immediately apparent, but frequently there are signs that suggest someone may be having suicidal thoughts. Identifying those signs can be the first step in helping someone get the assistance they need.

Direct Warning Signs:

• Discussing or writing about wanting to die or kill oneself.
• Actively seeking ways to die, such as searching online or purchasing a weapon.
• Feeling hopeless, or having no reason to live.

Indirect Warning Signs:

• Discussing feeling hopeless, helpless or trapped; being in unbearable pain.
• Referring to themselves as burdens on others.
• Using alcohol or drugs more heavily.
• Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless.
• Pulling away from friends and family; activities.
• Insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping too much).
• Displaying extreme mood swings.
• Donating valuable items or preparing for the disposition of their affairs.

If you recognize these symptoms in someone you know, take them seriously and intervene.

How You Can Help Someone

When you find out that a friend or family member is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it can be terrifying — but your support can also make all the difference in the world. You don’t have to be an expert to assist.

• Listen Without Judgment: Make it a safe place for them to be able to open up. Let them express how they’re feeling without you jumping in and giving unsolicited advice. It is sometimes a great relief just to be able to speak with someone.
• Ask, but Softly: Contrary to myth, asking about suicide does not plant the idea in someone’s mind. Directly Asking “Are you having thoughts of suicide”? it can be the best way to comprehend just how serious they are. It demonstrates that you care and are willing to engage in a difficult conversation.
• Provide Reassurance and Hope: Assure them that they are not alone, that their life matters. Inform them that treatment works, and they won’t feel the same way about their feelings eventually, even if it doesn’t seem possible now. Stay away from expressions like “just cheer up” or “you have so much to live for” because it can sound dismissive.
• Suggest Professional Help: Offer to help them find a therapist, make an appointment and even accompany them. Dismantling such barriers can help make it easier for them to take that first step.
• Take Away Immediate Threats: If you already know they have a plan, if there’s anything you can safely take away, like guns or a lot of medications, maybe you could try to do that.
• Keep in Touch: Touch base after you talk. A quick text or call can communicate that you still care and are there for them.

Finding Professional Support

For most people, professional assistance is necessary in order to cope with suicidal thoughts and their contributory factors. There are many resources available.

• Crisis Hotlines: Services such as the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provide confidential help by trained counselors right away. You can call or text anytime.
• Treatment includes: Psychotherapy/Counseling – can be conducted by a psychologist, psychiatrist or licensed therapist to learn Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), as well as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). The treatments teach coping skills and assist in restructuring negative thought processes.
• Support Groups: Support groups can help to alleviate feelings of isolation by bringing you in contact with others who share your experiences. Organizations such as National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA). have support groups available locally, as well through web-based communities.

You can locate a therapist through your insurance company, online directories such as Psychology Today or by asking your primary care doctor for a recommendation.

Building a Self-Care Toolkit

If you’re having thoughts of suicide, taking care of yourself can make it easier to cope with bad times and help you feel better overall.

• Develop a Safety Plan: A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that helps you cope with yourself when you’re feeling suicidal. It also offers warning signs and techniques to cope (like listening to music or taking a walk), as well as a list of people and professionals you can reach out to for support.
• Be Mindful: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation or simple grounding techniques (e.g., point out five things you can see, four you can touch, etc.) can help keep your mind in the present and calm when distressing thoughts arise.
• Gentle Movement: Exercise or simply taking a short walk can release endorphins and lift your spirits. Select something you like and that feels doable.
• Reconnect to your Senses: Connect with your senses and come back down to earth. Light a scented candle, cover yourself with a woolen blanket, play some soothing music or make yourself a nice cup of tea.

Establish a routine Establishing basic sleep and meal times and having some structure to the day can create predictability when you feel in turmoil inside.

Recovery Is Possible

Having suihcats are a symptom of a profound despair, but they are not a symptom of defeated warriors. With the right support, treatment, and self-help, a depressed person’s life can be saved by finding new meaning and purpose in living.

Even just reaching out is brave. Whether you are out here for yourself, or on behalf of the one you love. Know that today you have made a courageous and significant step toward healing. You have company on this road.